It's time to make a decision

I have really struggled with weight loss lately. I realized that in the last 3-4 months I've gained an average of 3 pounds each month. Aarrrgh! That's a nightmare! I've been trying to figure out what the difference has been compared to when I was losing weight during the first half of the year. I think there are a few factors but the main one is my commitment level. Then, I was so committed to losing weight that I resisted cheating most of the time and when I did cheat, I only ate a small portion. Now, even though I have many "good" days in which I make good food choices I also have many binge days where I just lose control and eat a lot of "bad" food. As I was losing weight I realized this difference. I was thinking about food in a different way and I found that I was able to have a few bites of something fattening that I really wanted and then finish the day out with better food choices. Now, I find that if I indulge at lunch or even earlier sometimes, I'm much less likely to control my eating the rest of the day. Actually, whatever time it is that I say to myself, "This one thing won't hurt," I end up ruining that day eating all kinds of fattening foods.

I think this all just comes down to making a real decision to commit to this lifestyle. I think I'm getting closer to that but maybe not quite yet. I thought I was ready and then this afternoon I lost control again. I just read an article about using a food journal to lose weight and I think that could be very helpful for me. I did do that for a while last winter and it did help. It's tedious but I think it's time. I can at least commit to that even if I can't quite commit to being really serious about a health program. Alright, step one--food journal. Let's see how it goes.

Enrichment Meeting

We had the annual December Enrichment meeting last night where we visit four different houses in the ward. It was fun and there was some excellent food. One house had a performance by a couple singing Christmas carols. Another house had a gingerbread house demonstration and we decorated our own gingerbread cookies. Yum! Sam Beeson was at another house and read his new book, Santa's First Flight. He is quite the character and that was fun. His book is really cute. He showed us another book coming out around Valentine's Day called the UnValentine or something like that. Funny! I'll have to watch for that one.


At the last house everyone gathered to have soup and chat. In church on Sunday I made a comment in RS and referred to Aaron's condition. I finally have decided it's time to just let everyone know. We've been a little hesitant to just talk about it to everyone in the past and I decided that time was past. So last night, a few people asked me some questions about Aaron and it was so nice to just be able to talk about it freely to everyone. It feels good and I feel free. I think when I'm able to talk to people about it and hear their reactions it helps me to not worry as much.

Doing dishes

Last night Nathan (4 years old) and I were loading the dishwasher. He asked me, "Does the water go all over inside there?" I said, "Yes, it does." He then said, "Oh, I wish I was a dish."

Thank goodness for ipods!

I did it. I ran my 9 miles and I did it at the rec center on the indoor track--the track you have to run around 13 times to go one mile. I don't think I could have done it without the ipod. I listened to an audio book while I ran and it made all the difference. I didn't actually count the laps, I just ran for 90 minutes and I'm pretty sure I got in at least 9 miles, maybe closer to 10. The reason I had to run on the indoor track is because we woke up to a couple of inches of snow and it was still snowing. Some very dedicated runners may run in snow on slushy roads but I'm not one of them.

I felt strong as I ran and it made me excited for the marathon again. SLC Marathon here I come!

Miscellaneous thoughts

The motivation I had the other day quickly waned when I made no bake cookies for my daughter Becca last night. I have a very hard time resisting no bake cookies. But I don't really want to talk about all that stuff right now.

My son Aaron has a seizure disorder and is developmentally delayed. He's 21 months and is finally starting to walk but he doesn't talk at all and has some other delays in fine motor skills and cognitive stuff. We've been changing his medicine lately and I think it has been helping. I'm so happy about that. He's walking better and he's started to babble again. He's babbled off and on for the last 10 months or so and it's really good to hear him making more sounds. He is a real sweetheart and is a happy boy. He's been sleeping badly for the last few months, waking every night and such but he slept through the night on Wed. and I'm so grateful. Last night he woke up again but I think we're heading in the right direction. Woohoo!

I have a 9 mile run scheduled for tomorrow. I'm feeling heavy and a little blah so I hope it goes okay. The marathon training is starting for real now. I'm excited and also nervous. I really need to get by butt in gear and eat right too.

Starting over...again!

I feel like I'm constantly starting over with this "new healthy lifestyle". I really fell off the wagon over Thanksgiving. I had lost about 3 lbs. and then promptly gained in right back over the holiday. I planned on eating whatever I wanted on Thanksgiving but that spilled over into Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Ugh! Oh well, I'm starting over...again.

I went running this morning and while I ran I decided that I need a new mantra. I'm going to start saying to myself, "I am self-disciplined, industrious, and hard-working. I have control of my body and appetities." I know it's silly but I hear that these things work. In the past I've tried, "I eat to live, I don't live to eat." It helps somewhat but since I know that these mantras are in fact completely opposite how I really feel, it can be pretty hard to convince myself. But, I think that's part of the point of an affirmation so we'll see how it goes.

I've also decided that I want to change the direction of my blog. I've been reading Julie's, Matt's, Becky's, and Jeanna's blogs and I just want to try to join in on the fun. I hope I can come up with some interesting stuff. If not, it will be a nice personal journal for me.

I was supposed to run 11 miles yesterday. Well, that didn't happen. My son, A.--21 months, has epilepsy, has not been sleeping well lately. He's up a couple of times each night and I can't just get him a bottle and lay him back down like I would normally do. I have to sit and hold him and then I fall asleep and before I know it we've been lying on the couch asleep for an hour or two. Then because of some new medicine (I'm supposing because I don't know for sure) he wakes up and is wide awake ready to play. This is at 4:00 in the morning. Anyway, I decided that if things are going to continue like this I better train with a less intensive program. The one I was using was for a time goal. I think I better start with one that will help me finish a marathon.

So I ended up running 6 miles. It felt pretty good. While I was running I decided that I was going to stop messing around with my weight loss goals. I just need to get back to what I did back in February and early March that helped me so much, writing down what I eat and going really gung ho. Like eating brown rice and having no goodies at all. It's funny how I feel the most ambitious when I'm running. I have made some pretty big goals in my head as I've been running down the road. I'm usually not able to keep the commitments that I make to myself when I do that. One thing I committed too though was to not eat after 7:00 every night. It's only been 2 nights but so far I'm doing it. Yay for me! I weighed in at 146 this morning so maybe it's already paying off a little.

I hopped on the scale this morning, 147.4 lbs. I was discouraged because I haven't been moving much lately and I've really been trying to eat better. I did well yesterday until mid-afternoon and then it all just went downhill. I've got to figure out how to not let that happen and especially control my eating after 7:00. This morning after getting on the scale I felt depressed and I went right into the kitchen and ate a piece of white bread. White bread, especially Grandma Sycamore's, is one of my downfalls. I can eat piece after piece and never get full. I think I could eat a whole loaf no problem. Anyway, I calmed myself down and had 2 dried apricots and protein powder with milk. Hopefully I can stay on target today. I do need to drink a lot of water because I have an 11 mile run tomorrow and if I'm not well hydrated before I run, I get a huge headache that just doesn't go away.

So I told you how much I weigh. My goal is to get to 125 before the marathon. I'd like to be down to 135 by the New Year. That may be a little ambitious, especially during the holidays, but I know I can do it if I just kick myself into gear.

I'm training for a marathon!

I've finally decided. I am running the Salt Lake City Marathon, April 19, 2008. I decided to do this blog because I need a little accountability. I lost 25 lbs. between February and August and I've already gained back 10. It's ridiculous. So, I need to lose 20 lbs. before the marathon. I know I could still run the marathon at the weight I am now but it's harder on your body to carry extra weight.

I have discovered over the last several months that even though exercise is very important to weight loss, nutrition is the key. So, my plan is to record what I eat and the exercise that I do everyday. I know this may not be the most interesting blog and I'm not sure anyone will even visit it, but just in case they do I'm going to do my best so I don't look too bad.

So, here we go!